In many of my posts I write about many aspects in which my life has changed. I usually compare period after B. was born and the present period. However, visiting places of my childhood offers even more surprising pieces of information about my changes – mental, physical, financial, locational, emotional, occupational… In this post I will reflect on some of those changes.
I treated our visit to my hometown as vacation, although I knew where to go for outdoor activities with B., which is not usually a thing with our vacation and I need to look up information.
Changes of places
Eyes wide-open, buckled up in his stroller, holding tight onto his stroller’s guardrail, observing and absorbing everything. It was B.’s first bus ride and he was so excited and focused that my questions whether he is all right bothered him. He wanted to be by himself. This was one of those situations when I am not sure how to act around him. At situations like this, he is on the edge of excitement and fear. If anything would go slightly wrong in his eyes, fear would take over and he would started to cry.
The novelty on B.’s side, familiarity and novelty on mine. The same bus, the same streets, same places, same people (even the ticket inspector is still the same). But B. was there and his emotions got stuck to me too. I was happy to introduce him to my experiences from my past.
We visited a park where I used to play. As a child I liked this Frog fountain – sitting on a frog and playing with water. And now I was there watching my son doing the same thing. I grew up, have a stroller, which signifies I am a mother, I myself take care of hydrating my body and have a responsibility of hydrating B.’s…
I used to be a tour guide for eight years. I worked for bigger or smaller groups, Slovak, foreign or international groups, family reunions, school groups or business people. With some of those people I maintained contact for several years. This job helped me with my public speaking skills. This is the job that I miss the most from all those I had an opportunity to try.
Now I am a guide for my son and even for myself, which is the hardest job I can think of. Consequences of my doing are either immediate, or delayed, so it is very difficult to distinguish what led to what. I experience consequences of my doing nonstop without any break; therefore, it is necessary to do a good job, otherwise my/our life will or is going to turn into hell. It creates an unbearable pressure to be perfect. But B. does not need a perfect mom, he needs a human mom who also does mistakes. I need to work with that perfectionist in me. Most of my life I had time an conditions created to work as a perfectionist, but it is not possible anymore…
Last week I became a tour guide for my son. I showed him several highlights that I knew he could be interested in. He listened, looked, but did not have questions about what I said. For an outsider it could seem he is not interested; however, I know how he can absorb information and use them months later, seemingly out of nowhere.
We even took a printed guide for children in a local tourist center, which B. was very excited about. We started to read and even my sister and I considered it very boring. People who created this material do not know what children are interested in.
Life changes for everybody, life changes everybody. We cannot expect something is the same as it was few years or even few days ago… Although things may seem the same from the outside, nothing is the same. All the past experiences add up and create our present experience.
Note: Most of the photographs in this post was taken by my sister V., one was taken by M.