You enjoy days with your child, you are happy you made it through difficult days and you experience many up-lifting moments now… You admire how quickly your child learns things and how much he/she has learnt since she/he was born… Moreover, you even have time to do something for yourself here and there, fill your own bucket, relax… But then the music stops playing and… She/he damages your objects or household objects for fun, does everything he/she knows she/he is not supposed to… You are here, crying on the floor, being laughed at and kicked by your own child after you tried to reconnect with him (to her/his own request) for several times… You do not see any solution to your situation, just to leave… But you cannot… Motherhood – the highest heights and the deepest depths.
A cushion dipped in water in the sink, a wiping cloth, a towel and a doll in the toilet. Drinking water intentionally spilled on the living room floor and run through and spread all around the apartment floor. Food thrown all around the kitchen floor, finally swept food crumbs intentionally scattered all around the kitchen floor. Refusing everything – even his/her own fulfilled wishes. Screaming. SCREAMING. Yelling. YELLING. Asking for help with calming down, asking for hugs and kicking you as soon as you come closer. Laughing.
Is it necessary? Why so much pain come into your life? How long will you be able to take it?
Is this love?
Experiencing this behavior from anyone else but your own child could be considered a domestic violence, emotional violence. In that case it would be reasonable to leave the abuser. But being it your own little child – leaving would be considered an abandonment. And you stay and cry and experience feelings of failure, guilt, rage, weakness, loneliness, unworthiness…
Why is this considered to be “mother’s love”? Why is motherhood considered to be “the most rewarding job”?
You put so much work into your relationship, you spend time with your child, play her/his games, come up with ideas for activities to do with your child, teach him/her everything you consider important, provide healthy food and other necessary and unnecessary materials… Instead of sleeping you learn, study, look for information how to strengthen and improve relationships in your family… And it works. Just for some time until another abusing week comes again.
Your right to live
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.Universal Declaration of Human Rights
And then he/she accidentally hits you with a toy box. You say it hurts and hold your forehead. He/she takes your hand away and says: “Myself.” And she/he strokes your forehead, kisses it and you cuddle. And then, few minutes later, situation is back to its deepest depth. However, it is not the deepest anymore, because you expected it and you act like a robot, doing just what is necessary to protect yourself physically, to protect furniture and other belongings. Emotionally you are a wreck.
You create more and more rules to handle situations like this one. Rules for yourself and for your child too. Maybe that is called boundaries. You have always been confused with words boundaries, commands, rules – you are not able to make a clear distinction between them. You have never been good in creating personal boundaries. But maybe these situations offer you opportunities to learn. It is interesting how they arrive after you said to yourself: “I rock! I am being the mother I have always wanted to be! My child is amazing!” It is really hurtful how your own child can show you, point at and hurt the most painful parts of you…