I have mentioned my sleep problems many times in my posts. Although my sleep deprivation was the worst for months and years after B. was born, it started a long time before (I am able to track it into 2013). For years, almost a decade, I did not remember any dream, just few nightmares. Maybe I just did not pay attention… Fortunately, now, after aimed self-help process I developed for myself my dreams talk to me. Dreams described below were dreamt last night.
Dreams talk no. 1
I go for a trip with my primary school classmates. I scratched my left wrist and back of my hand. My skin is dry and rough with droplets of blood. I ask everyone whether they have a cream I could put on my scratch and alleviate the pain. Some of my classmates do not pay attention, some find creams they use, but I am not satisfy – creams are not the kind I consider helpful and therefore would use.
At this point I woke up a little, touched the back of my hand. Touch of my hand assured me – skin on the back of my left hand was smooth and painless. Because of the dream I made a sleepy conclusion: I know the best what helps me, even though others try to persuade me, only I am able to recognize what is under the surface, my surface. I fell back asleep.
Dreams talk no. 2
I am at the group job interview. Everyone is getting ready but me. I am occupied with my hurting hands. They are punctured by many broken wooden skewers and splinters get stuck under my skin. I try to take them out and I am just partially successful. Removed skewers left holes in my hands. There is no blood, just dark holes. I need to peel a part of my top skin layer to get to some splinters. Nobody is concerned with my struggles. Then a job interviewer (my actual boss in my actual last job) arrives, hands me a pair of tweezers and starts the group job interview. I try using tweezers to take splinters out of my hand. It is easier and I feel thankful towards the job interviewer. Despite of my effort to quickly resolve the hands problem and focus on the interview I was not very successful.
Half-awake I massaged my hands and realized they are all right. I came to another conclusion. There are people who do not try to help, people who try to help but still I am the only one able to resolve my problems, to heal myself. Nobody will do my hard work, my inner work.
How it relates to my life
Surprisingly, or maybe not, hands and wrists have been in my focus for last two weeks. My dreams were realistic – I felt that pain and concern and effort… My dreams talk to me.
Poor condition of my hands – dry skin, painful and tense muscles – resulted in daily morning massages with coconut oil. Probably this physical treatment resulted in my mental shift – personal wisdom I articulated after each dream. Indeed, I tried to work with it before, especially relating to my postpartum experience, so it has already done some work in me. However, in those dreams it seemed to be internalized – wise me brought this idea to the experience I was facing.
Also, there is a hint that resolving problems and healing takes a lot of time. And there are also holes that need to be treated somehow. I have no idea how. Yet.
Conclusion on dreams talk
From time to time I experience this interconnection between body and mind. Since I noticed that I aim to activate healing on different levels – reading books, watching movies, listening to relaxations, massages, exercise, walks, contemplation, listening to my dreams talk etc. Becoming self-reliant in my healing process after years from giving birth allowed me to finally start to get to know myself.
About the importance of sleep for me you can read in my post here.