We are ill. All three of us. For the third week. Our voices sound like they do not belong to us – mumbling, low pitch, sniffs, coughs… Something what I have just heard about became our reality – we spread illness among us over and over again. Each of us has had a second round of it. Fever, tissues or toilet paper, tea, ginger shots, sea-buckthorn, bed, sleep, laundry…

At some point B. had a fever of 39,3 °C, which I have decided not to interfere with. He slept almost all day long. When he woke up he ate and drank. I spent a lot of time next to him resting and appreciating his strength, the strength of his body. And then I had an epiphany, that my body can definitely do the same what his small body can. I became calm and full of trust in my body too. The trust that was lost in years of being ill, still interfering, having antibiotics prescribed often. Maybe with these common colds and coughs it is enough to rest, sleep and let body do what it can do well when it has an opportunity – to recover.

We spent the night in the same bed. Whenever he woke up I gave him water, cuddled him and checked his temperature. His fever gradually started to decrease. And the next morning his temperature was normal. He played again and I made sure we do calm and relaxing activities. This situation helped me slow down even more. And interestingly I was able to tidy up more then usually. I was suspicious of this for longer time already. When I hurry more, the less I am able to do.

And then M. got ill too. He cared for his body but stayed in his usual hurry mode. And illness hit him even harder. Then I was tired and got angry that illness does not leave us. And illness came back to me again.

It is safe to be sensitive and vulnerable.

I am learning to…

…enjoy the presence of those close to me.

…slow down. I will be able to do more.

…feel safe to be sensitive and vulnerable.

…trust the process.

…rest.

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